


Rapping Grunkles

by HowAboutThatSnapback



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Explicit Language, Wendy introduced Stan to rapping, it's a DMX song what do you expect?, this is what my brain gets you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 12:53:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7533499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowAboutThatSnapback/pseuds/HowAboutThatSnapback
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Mystery Shack is closed, the twins are out adventuring with Soos, and Ford’s down in the basement. No one’ll bother him. It’s the perfect time to do whatever he wants. Aaaand then people show up, but maybe it’s not all that bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rapping Grunkles

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Gravity Falls or it's characters nor the song.

He’d decided to have a day to himself upon learning the kids were going on an adventure with Soos. He didn’t even bother opening the shop. His nerd brother was down in the basement and he hardly ever comes out until someone goes to get him to remind him he needed food. It was perfect time to do whatever he wanted.

Stan CD case and flips through with _one_  CD in mind. There’s _one_  particular song he wants to listen to that he couldn’t because the kids were always around. He’d been thinking of it for the past two days and it hadn’t left his head at all.

Now if only he can find it!

It takes quite a few minutes, but he finally finds it.

_There you are y’little stinker_ , Stan thinks when he finds it. He puts it to the side and then grabs his portable CD stereo. He places it on the counter in the kitchen and pops in the CD, skipping to the right number.

When the beat drops his head immediately begins bopping.

“ _Whoo! Y’all gon’ make me lose my mind up in here, up in here!  
Y’all gon’ make me go all out up in here, up in here!  
Y’all gon’ make me act a _fool _up in here, up in here!_  
Y’all gon’ make me lose my cool up in here, up in here!”

It’d been in his head for _two whole days_  so he’s glad to finally hear it to get it out of his system.

“ _If I gotsta bring it to you cowards then it’s gonna be quick, aight_  
All your mens up in the jail before, suck my dick  
And all them other cats you run with, get done with, dumb quick  
How the fuck you gonna cross the dog with some bum shit? Aight  
There go the gun click, nine one one shit!”

He raps along with ease, not stuttering or stumbling over his words once. There’s something about this song that puts a huge grin on his face and makes him bop his head. He wants to throw his hands up dance in a way that’d be wild would be liable to hurt anyone within arm’s distance.

“ _All over some dumb shit, ain’t that some shit  
Y'all niggas remind me of a strip club, cause everytime  
You come around, it’s like (what) I just gotta get my dick sucked_.  
 _And I don’t know who the fuck you think you talkin to_  
But I’m not him, aight Sli-”

Suddenly the music stops and he turns around and finds his brother standing there with his finger on the pause button.

“What the _hell_  Stanley?! Our twelve year old niece and nephew are staying here and you’re listening to… t-to something this.. this  _explicit_  at such a high volume?!”

“ _Relax_ , Ford,” Stan sighs. He pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment- he’s never more irritated than when someone interrupts his music of any kind. “Listen, the kids are out with Soos. They won’t be back ‘till around dinnertime. I figured you wouldn’t come out of the basement until I came and got you.”

Ford’s shoulders relax quite a bit and he lets out a sigh of relief.

“You really thought _I’d_ be so irresponsible with my language when I’m the one that corrects _you_  about it?”

“My cursing’s different! I don’t say anything about anyone sucking my dick!” Ford defends.

Stan rolls his eyes. “Uh-huh… so you mind hitting play?”

Ford hits play and frowns a little.

“Yeah, I know. You probably think it’s terrible an-”

“No… I’m… merely curious as to how you came by this song? This doesn’t seem to be the type of song you’d stumble onto,” Ford says while looking at the CD case.

“You remember the redheaded girl that works here, right?” Stan asks as he sips on his coffee.

Ford nods. “Yes. Corduroy’s girl.”

Stan nods. “Yeah, her. Caught her goofing off on the job and took her music player. Ended up listening to it- I got curious- and I liked it. So I went out and bought the CD so I could listen to it anytime I want.”

“Interesting.. do you mind if I restart it?”

Stan shrugs. “Be my guest.”

The chorus was easy enough to get into and Stan was grinning wickedly as his brother got into it. Ford probably doesn’t even notice that his head is bobbing to the beat.

Stan’s surprised when they play it the second time Ford begins rapping it like he’s listened to it for years.

Stan grins and raps along with his brother and they’re nearly shouting with grins on their faces when it comes back around to the chorus.

“- _I love my baby mama! I never let ‘er go!_ ” A new voice says as they enter the house and Stan recognizes it as Wendy’s.

Ford moves to hit stop, but Stan stops her and calls, “Today’s your day off, Wendy!”

“I know, I left my phone here last night and dad wouldn’t let me come back until today to get it,” Wendy calls and then enters the kitchen. “Have you see-…“

She trails off when she sees Ford standing there. _So this is the mystery man Soos sent forever talking about._

Needless to say there’s a little resentment towards this man because she lost so much sleep, but she knows it’s misplaced.

Stanley runs a hand through his hair and says, “Wendy this is Ford, Ford this is Wendy. You’re phone should be in the drawer in the front counter.”

Wendy snaps out of her stupor and glares up at her employer with emerald eyes. “I already checked there.”

“Then it might’ve been put on my desk in the office if you didn’t lose it outside of the Shack.”

Wendy exits the room muttering, “ _Tired of weak a-_ ”

“ _Wendy_ ,” Stan says warningly.

“What?” The redhead asks with an innocent smile and shrug. “It’s the lyrics. Besides, Dipper and Mabel aren’t here.”

“You can sing that language outside of singing _along_  with the song when you’re eighteen.”

She rolls her emerald eyes and walks out of the kitchen to find her phone.

“You’re such a _wonderful_  example,” Ford grumbles sarcastically.

“Yeah, yeah, shuddup. Ma n’ Pa let us curse when we were her age… kinda.”

“We couldn’t use a vast amount of the language,” Ford reminds.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Wendy comes back in with her phone at hand and she says, “Thanks.”

Stan notices how she looks reluctant to start walking out the door and says, “Ya walked here, didn’tcha?”

She scoffs and rolls her eyes while her arms cross over her chest. “No.”

She picked up that telltale sign from him and he could spot it from a mile away.

“Sit,” he grunts and opens the fridge.

Wendy gives no arguments and sits in a chair with no hesitation.

“You eat?” Before Wendy can lie, her stomach growls. “I’ll take that as a no.”

He begins digging around the fridge to get the redhead something to eat.

“So… Mr. Pines 2-”

“Please, just call me Ford,” Ford says, grimacing a little- he hates being called “Mr. Pines” for a multitude of reasons.

Wendy nods. “Okay.”

“What were you going to ask?”

“You answered my question,” she says with another shrug.

He opens his mouth to ask, but then it dawns on him that she was going to ask him what she should call him.

“Here ya go,” Stan says while putting a plate in front of her.

She looks down and sees it’s a BLT. “Thanks, Stan.”

“Don’t mention it,” he grumbles as he hits the skip button so they can listen from the beginning after she’s taken her first bite.

“ _WHOO!_ ” All Stan and Wendy shout together, much to Ford’s surprise.

“ _Y’all gon’ make me lose my mind up in here, up in here!_ ” They shout while rocking and bopping their heads to the rhythm.

“ _Y’all gon’ make me go all out up in here, up in here!_ ” Stan sings while trying to get his brother to sing along.

Ford rolls his eyes and says with little to no energy, “Y’all gon’ make me act a-”

“No, no, no, no, no, no,” Wendy says while shaking her head as she presses pause. “You can’t just _say_  the words to a DMX song. You’ve gotta get _into it_ , Ford.”

Ford rolls his eyes as the girl takes a large bite of her sandwich. “Forgive me for not being eager to join in singing such a vulgar song with a minor. Quite frankly I’m surprised you would, Stanley.”

Stanley shrugs. “Eh, you get used to it. Now, c’mon, Sixer.”

“Alright, alright,” he sighs.

Wendy takes another bite of her BLT and then hits play.

“ _Y’all gon make me act a_ fool _up in here, up in here! Y’all gon’ make me lose my cool up in here, up in here!_ ”

“That’s better!” Wendy says with her mouth full and earns a reproachful look from both Stan and Ford.

She rolls her eyes at them and continues eating her sandwich, though she looks a bit jittery- like she wants to be finished so she can bug out with them. When she finishes she jumps in- literally jumps in- and starts rapping with the Pines men.

“ _I love my baby mother, I never let her go!_ ” She says with them, holding a wooden spoon as a spoon.

Stanley snatches the spoon to take the solo.

“ _I’m tired of weak ass niggas whinin over puss_  
 _That don’t belong to them, fuck is wrong with them?_  
 _They fuck it up for real niggas like my mans and them_  
 _Who get it on on the strength of the hands with them, MAN!_ ”

Wendy grabs the spoon and pulls it so she can sing into the “mic” as well.

“ _Y’all gon’ make me lose my mind up in here, up in here!_ ”

Stanford leans forward and sings with them, “ _Y’all gonna make go all out up in here, up in here!_ ”

“ _Y’all gon’ make me act a FOOL up in here, up in here! Y’all gon’ make me lose my cool up in here, up in here!_ ” All three shout at the top of their lungs and jump around with huge grins on their faces.

They rap at the top of their lungs and Wendy jumps around while bobbing her head so that her hair flies everywhere.

Suddenly in the end of the last verse Wendy stops and rushes to the CD stereo and turns down the volume while looking out the window.

“What is it?” Ford asks.

“I saw headlights… it sounds like- shi-”

“No cussing,” Stan snaps. “Now what is it?”

“Soos’ back,” she says while hitting stop and taking out the CD.

“Shit,” Stan says and starts toward the door, catching the CD case that Wendy tosses it to him.

Ford raises an eyebrow. “So I take this happens a lot?”

“Enough for us to get a drill going,” Wendy replies while pouring herself some orange juice . “Y’know, I didn’t expect you to be a fan of this type of music after being in a different dimension  all these years.”

“I’ve been through several and I’ve heard some of the worst music and that was far from it,” he replies with a shrug.

“Wendy, put that in,” Stan says while tossing her a CD case.

The redhead catches it and quickly inserts it and presses play. “What is this?… Smokey Rob-”

“You’re really playing Smokey Robinson?” Ford asks.

“They don’t get what he’s saying,” Stan shrugs.

“ _I could just stay here inside you and love you girl_  doesn’t ring a bell?” Ford asks.

“They don’t get it and they don’t pay attention,” Stan says as the first song comes on- _The Tears of a Clown_.

“Grunkle Stan! I kicked a boy’s butt today!” Mabel shouts as she runs into the Shack.

“You did?” Stan calls and then hugs his niece proudly and carries her into the kitchen. “I’m so proud of you! Didja give ‘im a good left hook?”

“Yes I did!” she says with a huge grin.

“Hi, Wendy. What’re you doing here?” Dipper asks.

“Came to get my phone and ended up stealing some food and drinks,” she replies with a smile. “I’m being tortured with old folk’s music.”

Stan and Ford shoot her an annoyed look.

“That’s all you two ever listen to! We’ve gotta update your music collection!” Mabel insists.

“You can’t beat the classics,” Stan insists.

“You’ve _gotta_  listen to- to… rap!”

“They won’t like rap,” Dipper insists.

Wendy has a sly smirk as she takes a sip of her drink. _They just don’t know…_


End file.
